Lamai's Quandary

[Elfling]

Wolves howled. With the falling of the sun, the last sounds of workmen had silenced; no one would be willing to work after dark. Not in Myrken.Yet, the forest itself was full of the night sounds that had revived with the landscape's healing.

Mephisto had done damage, but it hadn't lasted as it had at her home. That was a soothing knowledge, even if nothing else was.

There had been a time when returning to mortality was the wrost unishment offered to her. Such a return had signled her failure to do her duty. Yet, it had been years since her death; almost six in the time of mortals and she still hadn't managed to reconcile that she no longer was one.

The lake lapped at bare toes. Whenever Lamai was truely in need of solitude, she had always returned to a source of water. Lake, stream, ocean.. it didn't matter the source, only that it soothed her.

Of course, the quandary of mortality was the truth of the matter, wasn't it? Her struggle was one of trying to be mortal when she no longer was. She was bound by her duties as a servant, but those duties had conflicted with a spirit that still struggled to be what she no longer was. Furthermore, she was a servant to the Gods. Unlike Romanov, her will existed only in the leeway she was given.

Altias had never understood that.

Lamai's anger flared with that simple injustice, but a soothing voice - her own voice - answered it equally within the realm of her thoughts. 'How can he be expected to understand? True, he holds office with expectations, but he still has a choice.'

Lamai sighed with resigned realization. That was the source of her frustration. She expected a mortal to understand without the full knowledge to understand. She had expected Altias to understand that her duties took precedent over her personal emotion. She had expected Quincy to understand the depth of the danger she was plunging herself into. She had expected Ariane to understand that sometimes, one Did What They Had To Do to ensure the safety of those under their charge. And they had understood. But that understanding came in the realm of mortal understanding, not in relation to what she was required to do. In fact, she doubted anyone but Altias had a glimpse of what she was, other than a waif of a mortal girl.

She was no longer mortal. Did she wish to be? She had little doubt that He whom she Served would make it so, and even less that He would mind if it brought Him amusement. It would certainly bring Him amusement if she asked to start over. To forget. Perhaps to restart from the moment of her death. Yes.. a restart where she hadn't died during the birth of her daughter.