by Suede » Mon Jul 14, 2003 1:42 am
"I can't believe you have us dressed up like this, I look like a bloo... oof!" What was sure to be a most lovely tiriade of manly complaints was quickly cut short by an elbow to an oddly feminine stomach.
"Shhhh... be quiet you idiot. Besides! This will be great." A pointed glare from Suede silenced the man next to him, or -was- that the tailor? Anyone glancing their way wouldn't have seen him, but instead four slightly masculine ladies all standing beneath the pavilion outside the gates of Myrken. It would seem Suede is up to one of his games again.
For if you looked closely enough at these four visions of loveliness... they weren't ladies at all, but rather Suede and his band of 'merry men', all dressed in the finest silken gowns fit for ladies of the court. Each man was adorned in victorian gowns of cream, maroon, sky blue, and pastel green. Suede claiming the maroon of course. Wigs done up in buns, tendrils hanging down to cheekbones. Ridiculous amounts of make-up decorating their faces to hide features. Each wore high heals and carried a fan. The fan used along with a conveniently large hat to help hide themselves beneath the glaring sun, as well as making a lovely mask.
And despite the heels they were managing to walk, and look rather graceful. As long as a point was made to ingore the recent outburst. The group had been standing in line for near an hour now, and as soon as the old man in front of them stopped staring and moved, they could pass through. A silent sigh made, Suede batted his eyelashes while hiding smirking lips behind the fan. A slight turn to the side, with dip and giggle... the poor tailor looked the epitome of middle age valley girl. Fortunately this snapped the bloody coot out of his daze.
"Next in line, keep it moving." A good sharp heel on Canthag's foot to wake the elf up, then our favorite tailor placed his best innocent eyes out for the world to see and approached the guard. When he walked, hips swayed to a point no man should be able to manage. Suedette gave the guard a sweet smile as he... or she, stood just inside the man's personal space. He began to twist back and forth a bit before seemingly coming to a decision.
A hand fell on the guard's arm, the poor fool blinked and turned a fair shade of red as the fingers ran up and down that muscled appendage, Then the tailor spoke as he three other compatriots simply composed themselves into giggling schoolgirls behind their fans. "Oh, it's so good to know such a -big-.... -strong-....-handsome- man is taking care of the city and making sure no dangerous ruffians get in who could do such harm to little old me." The southern bell voice ran out with sickeningly sweet praise, Suede's hand continuing up to touch the guard's face.
The man swallowed, hard. The poor fool, thinking Suede really was a woman flirting with him, shuddered a bit, before squeaking out a classic, "Just doing my job, ma'am." His hand reaching up to pull on his collar before staring down at the papers before him."Do you.. uh... have anything to be searched before entering the city today, ma'am?"
"Me? Oh no sweetheart, we just came ahead of our fathers, they'll be around later with our things." Now is where sweet Suedette pressed himself closer to the point the puffed skirt was brushing against the man's leg. "All we have to search is ourselves." A seductive smile as the tailor leaned in even closer, that feminine voice still ringing out.
"You can't very well search us out here, but maybe after you let us through... you could give us a private -examination-?" Suedette's hand would now fall down to land on the man's chest with a soft gasp. Poor tailor, internally the man was screaming 'GUY GERMS! EW EW EW!' and had to keep such a pleasant visage on the outside. How he did it could truly be the 8th wonder of the world.
Our victim guard, whom was now wide-eyed and considerably flustered, found himself without a voice and could only wave the four ladies through, nodding over and over. His fellows were whistling and cheering the poor fool on from their various posts about the tent. All in all a nice little scene which was greatly slowing down the inspections and searches of the other people wishing to pass into the city.
Suedette stepped back from the man, offering a dubiously shy wave and wink. A curtsey and s/he turned back to the three others. "Ladies! Lets be off then!" With that all four ladies walked past the guards at the gate, hips swaying to the stares of the men in their retreat, Suede at the lead.
Just after the 'girls' left earshot our guard friend, who had begun to drool, felt a hard smack to the back of his head. He flinched as bent forward with the blow, rising up to glower at his partner at the post. "What was that for?"
"You didn't get her name!!" Ah yes, young love. Wonder if he was ever told of the birds and the bees.
Fifteen minutes later in the back room of Suede's shop, the four men, still in their get-ups had skirts hiked up; pulling various packages, vials, and small sacks from the undersides. They may be a bit indecent, but their latest shipment was now in town. And Ho! Their day wasn't done yet, of course. Suede planned to have some fun with this costume.
'I wonder where Lt. Kilborn is...'
"So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."
~ Dark Helmet, Spaceballs