Quicksand beneath her feet. But hasn't it always been? The Dauntless landscape clings in a way that no desert hazards could ever hope to rival, sinks its claws into the ankles, jealous and hungry and refusing furiously to release what had the misfortune to be born to its winters. They could have turned back, those first long-ago settlers. At any point, understanding at last that what they'd happened upon was hardly worth the having, they might have turned back, retraced their steps, found something else, found something
better than the slow, withering existence which passed for life there, and she'd known it,
known it, when she was twelve years old and -
"Oh, Elliot."
- greeting the happiest day of her life. The happiest. And why, then, does the memory not warm her against this hail? Shivering, she tightens the coat closer around her shoulders, ducking down her features into the shadow of its high collar. To move at all is to risk tangling her slippers amongst overlong coat-skirts; obliged to choose between bitter ice and engulfing sands, she does what she has always done, armouring herself against what is unbearable as she waits for a third option to appear.
"Slipping through the cracks?
Impressive? It's just
tricks," she murmurs, dismissive if not outright scornful. But almost immediately, something in the cold glass of her eyes relents; a tentative warmth filtering through the chill veneer. "I
did like the rain," she allows, and watches him now, watches the boy so closely. "I hated your birds, but I did like the rain. It smelled like morning." Her smile becomes sudden laughter, when he snatches a piece from behind her
ear, and that's just as much a trick as any of it was, but this time her laughter only approves. "Elliot, a pawn for a castle is - "
is not
is not" - a fair trade," for isn't that just what she'd said to Cherny just days before?
To save a pawn's life is
to save his whole world, but he was a little boy, too engrossed in the romance of fairy-tales and chivalry to understand how little a shattered pawn cares for the fate of castles. Perhaps this is how she'll explain it to him tomorrow: like this, with the tale of Lenore and her Crimson Duke, so that a boy can see the purpose of placing a knight upon the playing-board -
"Almost anything would have been," she murmurs, and when he asks the question he must ask, when he makes this brilliant, reckless gambit, she leans across the playing-field this small measure; she turns his face with rain-damp fingertips, nothing but gentle, and whispers
"Look."
Elliot Brown, clever with locks and dancing between raindrops: he knows how to see what lurks just at the edge of his eyes. To look directly is to banish the vision utterly, but if he allows it to approach he'll have the whole of it, the pieces which can be seen and the pieces which must only be
known: what it was to sit for hours with little mouse Lenore, two girls brushing each others' hair upon the attic steps and loving the hour's easy silence. What it was to love her: sweet, shy Lenore, tiny within the embrace of a Crimson Duke; a precious vulnerability to which two sisters fiercely devoted themselves. Fragile Lenore, stolen away by a monster's crazed malice and suffering in the darkness which hides beneath the human world; half-mad with desperation they'd sacrificed so much, so much, to wrest her back from that beast. This is what it is to carve the eye from your own face; this is what it is to open a man from guts to throat, over and over; this is what it is to want to do it all again,
again, as many times as it takes to make this
right, when what you find down there is the shuddering wreckage of the girl that was, a thing gone mad with fear. This is grief that burns like a hungry flame, grief of such wrenching magnitude that it threatens to swallow you whole -
Quietly, now.
Quietly:
"You can't have her. She's not for games."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________Night ḁ̻͖͕ͅf͎̣͝t̳e̝̟̬̙̠r̴̤ night, from words to dreams, to flesh, ţ̵̗̱͎͑̽̎͒̊̕͜ͅơ̷̢̫̮͕͙̻̊̒̃́̆ ̸̺͖͍̝̯̀͆̀͗̿̈́ͅp̶̞̮̼̩̙̂͑̌̓̐̇ͅḣ̸͇̰̪̥̟̞̇̅̚̚̕ą̶̲̰̳̼̦́̍̒͆̍̈ṅ̶̢̛͚͙͕̤̒̇̊͘ͅẗ̶̨̹̟̟̺͗̉̉͘͜͝ó̸̟̙̦̹̬̞͒͛̈́̾m̶̥̻̝̥̮͚̆̿̈́͐̆̉s̵̟̬̮͉͍̯̀͆̀̐͌͝. P̷͓̖̦͓̞͖ͅo҉̗̖̞̹̱ͅş͎̝̭̟̭s̞͍̥e̮̩sṣ̥̙̮̜͡i͍̺̬̙͙ͅon and deposession. .̧́҉ ̕T҉̢h͘͝e҉̴́ ̵fl̴͢òwe̷r͢s̀ ͠͞o̢f̨ ̴͏t͘͝h̕͠e͘ m͞ó͜òn̵̷͠, ,the broad-backed palms ǫ̿̋f̽ͧ̽͒ͥ͛̒ ̇ͫ̍jungle ̷̐̂͛growth, the b̴̧̨͖͈ͅa̵̡̢̧̙͙y̵̠̹͎͚͜į̴̨̬̪͔n̶̯̮͔͇͖g̴͓͈̼̥̻ ̵̥̯̫͕ͅo̸͓̻̖͙͔f̷̦̰̱̱̹ ̵̘̫͍̮͖b̴͍̗̜̮̪l̸̨̙̳̭̘o̸̧̤̪ͅͅo̵̤̗̠̤͜d̵̹̤̹̳ͅḩ̸̬̟͙̝ǫ̶͚̲̤ͅu̵̲͇̝͇͎ṇ̸͕̦̝͚d̴̡͔̯̠̥ṣ̴̡̲̘̫, the frail white body of ą̦͉̳̦͙͈̱͎̺̈́̾̏̔̏̉̓͘͠͠ ̢̖̗̘̞̫̣̜̱̘̽̈́̓̉̋̔̄̄͠͝c͎͓͎̙̮͖̣̭̣͖̐̔́̏͗̅̕͘̕͠ḩ͈͇̳̰̟̫͉̠̺̎́͌̊͛̔͑͒̕͘i̧̜̥̼̦̜̺̰̘͎̍̿̓̃̊͂̄̚̚͝l̛̦̳͔͈̭̮̯̜̹̿͛̎͂͛̋̒͜͝͝d̨̖̹͙͔̹̦̞͉́͆̒̋̐̇̈̀̍͜͝, the lava bubbles, the rallentando ̵͚̮̞̫̰o̶̱̝̲͇̤f̴̤͉̦̹̜ ̶̖̤͚͍ͅt̸̟̜͓̺̮ẖ̷̢̥̩̪ḛ̸̣͍͍̮ snow-flakes, ţ̴̪̱̣͜h̷̺̥̰̪ͅe̶̩̲̪̙̦ ̶͇̭͇̫̫ ͂ͪ͌͡ḟl̴ͦͪͧͧ̿͋o̍̓ͯ̐͊͊o̔͆̀͊̑̉̚r͛͗̓̚͝l͊̀̾̔̋̚e̒͒̋̽͗̊ͦs̓̓͊͞s̛̀̓͆͒ bottom where smoke bͦlȏom̊̓ͭ́̊si̵̛͍̥͔̜̣̮̊͛̽͐̚n̴̛̰̖̟̲̘͉̈́͂́͛̓ţ̸̛̤̜̟͓̖̈́̀͛͌̊o̷͈̭̰͍͚̣̽͒̓̂̚͠ ̴̜̜͎͇̲̘͆̆͒̔̕͝f̵̤͔̟͍̥̖̆̑̌̾̎͘l̵̨̨̥̳͎̘̉͌̌̀̑͠é̷̫̘̟͕̤̝̊̊̓̌̋s̷̠̰͙̟͙̦̈̀͌̓̀̚ẖ̷̯͇̘͇̬͌̽̀̽̑͝h. Ã̛̬͍̼̲̙̟̖̹͙̊̿̌́͗̄̏͝ͅn̢̧̰̤̪͖̫̣̼̊́̃̿̀̂̉̓̕͝ͅḑ̥̻͕̻͚͈̔̅͋̓͋̌̈́̓͑͜͝ͅͅ ̨͖̘͕͖̺̪̠̜͌̔̑̌̈́͊̈́̈́͘͝ͅwhat is flesh but moon? and what i̶̭͇̬͇͍͔s̭̬̩ moon ̩̬̖̰b̺͇͙̳͓̣̀ͅu̥̺̙ṱ͎̱̠̰͙͖̀ ̙̮night? Night is ͘l̷̛͠ǫng̵̨͟í̛n̨͟g̕͞, longing,longing, beyond all endurance.