"I told him that I wanted his lady to die."
Minutes ago--
Elliot could not stop talking; he could not stop spouting his edicts, his prides, his honors, as if he was some ever-speaking book of steely chivalry. His back was turned as he descended like a prideful nightingale upon Noura. In the seamstress' hands was Caliir's mouth-bit, an object that made great beasts obey and serve in silence. The tiniest, most arrogant and selfish part of her reached over his head, yanked the bit until it knocked against Elliot's teeth, crushed against his lips, choked him--
She could still feel the bridle in her hands. The bite of leather and rusted steel.
Together she and Duquesne sat beneath the trees. He had led her away, a pillar of calmness and patience even as she told Elliot he was a j'uk'ol, as the want to hurt him, crack him, snap his sureness and charity awakened in her sun-scorched veins. The theatrics of the attack -- If I try to hurt Elliot, maybe Cherny will go to his defense like a good squire; he could hit me, and Elliot would know him to be loyal -- had become sloppy--
For a moment, she'd forgotten she was trying to play a role at all.
But her palms were empty now as she stumbled down to sit in the tall grass beneath the bending audience of overgrown trees. Ferns had escaped the sunlight here, bowing like soldiers to the kingly oaks that reached toward the Glass Sun. They'd been striving for the sky since times before history, it seemed; they were bark-skinned gods that defied the brightness of summer day, bringing cool and mute shadows to the grass.
Her skin was soiled with beads of black sweat and she sat in a crumpled mess of tattered patchwork. She didn't want to walk anymore; she let go of Duquesne's hand and worried her skirt-hem with her bare fingers. The gloved hand hid in the grass, a deceitful artifact.
"I didn't mean for you to see that. To see me try to -- to hurt him." Her words were careful and soft. "But his back was turned, and he is -- he is not Elliot Brown anymore. And for a moment I thought that I might solve the problem the way that a Jerno does. Eliminate it, overpower it. Stifle the guilt under prayer later; scramble for rationality with over-analysis, convince myself that it was for the right reasons.
"But I -- I just wanted him to stop talking, Proctor."
