A Note of Sarcasm

[Shade]

A lithe blonde youth with striking blueish eyes approaches Tyralor with an envelope in hand, bearing black wax with no seal. As Tyralor takes the envelope, the boy turns to leave without waiting for the note to be read. The note is in that unmistakable font, somewhat flowing and elegance yet with jarring rigidity in some of the characters.

Dearest Jester:

Married again? My frozen heart simply warms to hear such wonderful news. And who is this unlucky female, destined to spread your spawn across the globe? What connections does she possess that you wish to control, what certain aspects of her made you decide marriage was appropriate?

By eternity, I chuckle to think of your seed planted far and wide with the amount of lovers you take. More lovers than my meals, it seems. I expect to walk the earth one day and seek out your descendents from the four corners of the Earth, and rest assured I would like nothing more than to fully phsycoanalyze each and every one to trace their mental roots to their mother and father. What a fascinating study that would be! As many concubines as you take, there will be a clan of McDougals so diverse as to fill every aspect of human creativity possibly by the doom of time. I happily anticipate lying in watch.

My intention of correspondence with you, my old friend, is simply to keep in touch. Perhaps we can learn from each other, expand our philosophies or what not. At the least, there is no harm in knowing that you yet live. You have ensared me in some fasion, Tyralor, as you have ensared so many others and continue to do so - in loyalty. I owe you enough to remind you that as I walk, I will do you no harm. As I walk, I will extend friendship to you.

And so with that note I extend a few sincere wishes for happiness between you and your new mistress, despite my obvious sardonism.

Skyler

The blonde makes a habbit of returning every 4 or 5 days or so until the return correspondence is ready, never says a word, and isn't seen again for quite some time.

[Tyralor]

Dearest Fool;

I am pleased to hear of such loving and glowing warmth from your penmanship. I'm glad that you think so highly of me and my wife.

If you call her my mistress again, or suggest in any fashion that the sentiments I feel for her are less than honest, rest assured I shall pluck out your eyes, and stew them up, before yanking out each and every tooth you possess in you. Tie your intestines around a pig spit and slowly cook them over an open flame, even as they are drawn directly out of your belly. Your kneecaps will be removed, adn shattered into tiny pieces, and your head ponuded with stones until sense and reasoning has left you.

Then I shall allow you to recuperate so that I might pursue such again on the following evening. She is my wife Shade. Such actions by me are never taken lightly. I expect a friend as wise and venerable as you to appreciate the sincerity I put forth towards her, and honour her. You are also quite aware of the number of children I have, and shall have. The subject will not be broached again.

Otherwise of course...

In continuance of your other thoughts, that you walk yet pleases my ears. Most others have long since passed the mortal coil and are little more than memories now. It is always pleasant to know that some old friends are still old friends. Not old tales told to new friends

Sincerely;
Tyralor McDougal
Prince of Darkness