by Carnath-Emory » Sat May 05, 2007 11:42 am
Blind a woman, and she will stare like this. Dazzle her with talk of chessboards and metallurgy and masks, stun her with a glimpse into a world upon world upon world, and this will be her reaction: this stare, this stiff-spined stillness. Like lightning to the face, it chokes her, and for a moment her head must turn aside entirely, features averted behind the dark curtain of her hair, as the eyes hotly sting --
The moment passes. Exalted shock resolves into a dry-eyed grin, broad and very well-pleased.
"I do. I could not say it in this way; how do you kn -- mm. No. That is not so important. But there is this: that it is sometimes a burden upon them, it is sometimes very terrible a thing that they must endure. I have asked you this thing once before, you will recall it: whether you would better see to a man's heart or his mind, mn? But this is how the question should have gone, or my answer to it, at least: that these things which I love, I will spare their body at expense of their will, even when they do not wish it so.
"And that sometimes I am not careful. Sometimes I neglect... that they are loved, and think only to guard them, as if they were not whole people, but ... things, prizes to be kept safe. It is difficult for them, you see? It is sometimes very painful."
Perhaps wine makes such a confession possible, or perhaps it is simply the nature of this very strange morning. That having said so much, having come so far, it seems only natural to add this to the rest... and to nod now, when Calomel continues.
"It is ... difficult, but it is not always terrible, mn? It is most often not, except to know that were it demanded of me, were it necessary, I would -- ah." There is no need to describe this further. Cinnabar has the evidence of it before him: eight names, eight small marks by their sides. "And were they to come to detest me, perhaps I would reckon it well enough, yes? Were they able yet to continue, to be.
"I think," she nods slowly, "it would be a good enough exchange."
It must be, for this is familiar ground; this is a path already trod. Within the space of two days, this room will be emptied of her belongings, in mute acknowledgement of that fact. But for now there remain looking glasses and gilt-bound books; there are chessboards and empty wine-bottles, and a woman who glances up from a moment's solemn reverie, to discover a question for which she has no answer.
Perhaps the slow shake of her head will explain that.