It was a pain, course, gnawing, empty pain. It had begun even before the arm; it continued long after his arm was only a dull, throbbing thing, too distant to notice. He knew what caused it. Worm-mouths. Gnawing, chewing, eroding the very center of him. It weakened him. It made him susceptible. It made his brains scream, and beat at the prison of his mind. He knelt at the lapping, ice-cold winter waters of Silver Lake, and he plunges his arm into the cool. Just as Cherny had said. Cherny was a smart boy, and Catch was happy to know him.
No. They will not think of Cherny.
Flesh writhed in his mouth, stretching, the gentle comfort-stroke of pegged spider's legs against his cheek, upon his tongue. Catch's lips curl back, trying to push the spider out with his tongue, but it touched only air. She had long outgrown the safe warmth of his gums. And what was there left? A Wolf, a Fat Man. He looks up, his skin silvered by the waning mood, and It was there, lean, roting, stinking. Pus dribbled from it's weeping sores, it's eyes long gone milky, and white, until the wolf's eyes were the only Lights left in the sky.
The pounding of the pain became Words. Hurt. Hurt. He has told Cinnabar that Hurts shall be repayed in Hurts.
I won't.
His arm and his throat were fires, seared by a length of wolf-metal. He looked down, past the turgid, suggestive lapping of the water, and his arm was segmented, writhing, stretching a maw of tusked, piercing teeth.
It's not real, he shouted at the mange-bare dog-form. You're tricking me. You're tricking me. The Sky Lady made me free.
She showed you what you was. The Wolf-voice became something else, a distant tug of memory; coarse, unrefined, mocking, when in real life it had never mocked. And are you happy, marks and collars and all -
It's not a collar, he cried, his free, un-wormed hand clutching at the lodestone at his throat. He shut his eyes tight, and he - he squeezed, with fingers he shouldn't have, fingers as fat as sausages, Treadwell-fat, a pain so great that he could not breathe, his body seizing, falling, thrashing in the cold shallows of the Lake. He wept, but he could not tell that he did with fetid water rushing through his nose, so cold that it burned, filling his lungs before he could gain control, before he could right himself.
Am I going to drown?
Something gripped him by the collar of his shirt. It pulled. He could not imagine this, this bright-burning body. He thrashes, and he grabs, managing only a small cry of desperation. Don't leave me. Don't - Hands, small hands, pull, and Catch helps as he might, churning up great, muddy ruts, waist-to-knee-to-toe of caking, slick mud. He could not see. On hand and knees he retched up vast pools of water, and the small arms held him, fingers in his hair.
He couldn't smell or see, or taste. He opens his eyes to the face of a wolf. But the fur is wrong, all wrong; it is brindled, natural, brown. The eyes gleamed cold, and he felt the hands as they cupped his chin, his cheeks. Past the wolf's head was the body of a woman, and there is a crown of embers in her silken, black hair.
Her wolf's lips pull into a smile, at his confusion, at his being lost. She kisses his ruined head, and that kiss feels like the kiss of Pantha, rather than Kacela. She pulls him close, and he can hear the hot, wild blood running through her, his ear drumming with her heartbeat, his lips at the curve of her breast, and eyes unable to focus.
And why not? Why not? All cold, all searing pain in arm and lungs and worm-tooth, they were nothing in the comfort of a mother's arms. He did not fight it. He could not.
"Come, my darling," she whispers, tickling the furred sweep of his beastly ear, and her voice was Solena's, though the words were more ancient than even an elf's.
